I recently saw a picture of ex #2 on FB. He looks great. Amazing actually. The feeling? It made my heart happy. It actually burst open for him. I know he’s struggled with his sobriety and he looks like he’s in a really good place.
I thought to send him a note, but I put it off. We haven’t been in any kind of communication for a few years and I allowed my own hesitation to set in.
Funny thing is though,
the universe has a way of giving us hugs back even when the love and thoughts we send out are silent.
A few days after seeing the picture, ex #1 sent a note to send love and good wishes for my health journey through breast cancer. He signed his note, “love the old crazy man you once loved !!!”
Our texts back and forth reminded me of why I fell in love with him oh so long ago. Charm that melted my heart, smart, funny, a person who stands firmly in his own footsteps.
There were many challenges, one of the biggest being our inability to communicate in healthy ways. Our actions spoke louder than words and we both did some shitty things. He was the perfect person for me for the 12 years we were together.
But even once we were apart, the energies of the transgressions remained within me. So many unspoken words that mulled about in my world. Back then I didn’t understand the impact and the importance of clearing the energy I’d internalized. I can now clearly say that there’s a complete neutrality when I think of him.
After the exchange with #1, I sent a note to #2. I don’t know if he’s read it and I don’t have any expectation of a reply. A simple note letting him know that he looks great and I wish him only the best. We’ve been apart for 7 years now.
Sometimes the gifts we’re given aren’t easy to be with or process. Yet when you’re on the other side and can be in the place of neutrality, it’s beautiful.
Forgiveness, amends, grace and trust, even when there’s no direct communication.
This all brought up the feelings of how lonely it can be to move through a major health challenge alone. I’m surrounded by amazing people, and there’s something to be said to know you have someone you can lean against who will reassure you that everything will be OK.
I’ve sat with all of the emotions. The only way through is through. One day as I sat in quiet contemplation, I asked God for a hug and immediately felt enveloped in a beautiful warm energy, flowing through and all around me.
Forgiveness takes time. More important is, it takes a willingness to see the interplay of two people in a relationship. To own our own part. Rarely is someone the same coming out as they were going in.
The question to ponder ~ is the bitterness / judgment / hard feelings / anger / resentment worth holding on to?
Love holds no judgment.
There’s no room for it.
To heal your own heart is an act of courage.
As you clear the old, the new levels of love you connect with magnify out. The old transformed into something beautifully neutral, transmitted without attachment.
The day after my request of hug from God, I was at the farmers market. One of the vendors has in the past asked me if I’m married, if I cook, etc.
On this particular morning, he expressed how tired he is when he comes off of the fields late at night. He asked me if I’d ever get married again. Me? Perhaps. Then he said to let him know if I ever did. A beautiful gesture that’s had me smiling ever since.
In the course of a few days, the universe gave me three huge hugs. Reminders of my humanness, of how deeply I’m able to love, and just how far I’ve come.
The universe brings people into our lives to help show us who we are and who we can become. It always hears what’s in our hearts and lets us know just how beautifully connected we all are. This is the language of love.