Four years of journals.
On Friday, I received the message it was time to let them go. How could I best honor all of the thoughts, time and effort that went into them? It didn’t feel right to just throw them away.
Four years of co-creation, ideas, manifestations, clearing, and evolution.
There have been many teachers, including aspects of my younger self who re-integrated. My clients always there to help me to see different perspectives. Wisdom shared by many. The cycle of the student becoming the teacher and back again. I have not been alone.
The healing that emerged as Spirit led me even when I wasn’t always able to see the path.
Yesterday, on Easter Sunday, I held a burning ceremony. I watched the pages turn to ash, the smoke floating up into the air was a final clearing of the energy.
2017 – 2020.
The writing of my first book, The Message in the Bottle: Finding Hope and Peace Amidst the Chaos of Living with an Alcoholic, that sometimes brought up hard realizations. Both of aspects of my own stories and how I sometimes perpetuated them, offering insights into how we find peace within.
The deeper exploration of my gifts of energy work, that had always been with me yet pushed aside as a way to protect my gifts until I’d healed my own traumas and made the decision to leave Wall Street. To have used those gifts while in my old mental and emotional state of thrashing through parts of my life could have been destructive to myself and others, a misuse of power.
To be a healer and guide is a gift, one that I sit in with reverence and don’t take lightly. As the old layers were cleared and healed, deeper levels of my gifts emerged.
The body has only a finite amount of space and we need to make room for what we’re calling in.
2019 sent me on a journey to explore, unencumbered. Leaving the east coast and for the first time in over 30 years, I had no pets, no partner, no rent and no mortgage. Through my travels I found deeper levels of trust with myself and with God. Not the God of my upbringing that I stepped away from as a teenager. God, Spirit, The Universe, Christ Consciousness, Consciousness.
The feeling and knowing deep in my heart that there is something so much bigger than us, that only wants the best for us.
I let go of attachments, mostly to the ways I’d been and thought about the world. I did spontaneous healings for people along the way, sharing my gifts while exploring this amazing Earth.
Funny that I landed in my new place just before the world locked down.
I had plans. Spirit laughed and said, “not yet.”
To speaking on stage in NYC and Austin, travel to Peru. My insides rebelled, as it did for many of us, and then I settled in. Collectively many of us had asked for more time and it’s exactly what we received, just not in the way we expected. That’s the thing about expectations, a battle between Ego and Spirit. Sometimes we align, yet in the end Spirit will always win.
There was more to heal and clear, and The Impact of Silence, my second book, provided. Much of the initial draft isn’t in the final manuscript. That work was for me, in order to clear space for what was really meant to be published earlier this year. This second book also had a mind of it’s own.
Four years of journals. Many realizations, things cleared and healed, many layers of integrations. This weekend I honored the energy, the love, and the co-creation that went into them. Each notebook was used as an oracle, each opened to a page. It is those pages I’ll share over the coming days. Insights into my own process with present day reflections.
Why am I doing this? We learn by sharing and the work I do with clients is the same work I do for myself.
Because healing isn’t once and done. It comes in layers: the physical, mental, emotional, energetic and spiritual. There is no leapfrogging to get to the end.
I am grateful for this journey of life, this journey of healing.
That every day I get to choose how I show up and move through my day.
I’m grateful for my ever-deepening relationship with myself and with Spirit. A co-creation.
Spirit lives within all of us and it is through us that God gets to experience life on this Earth. For many years I didn’t honor this connection. I couldn’t even see it through my own pain. Today it humbles me.
Join me, as we are all oracles for each other.
Perhaps what I share will be inspiration for you. Perhaps your wisdom will be inspiration for me. Because we’re all walking each other home (Rumi), the home that’s our heart and the truth of who we are. Love.
The journey continues on 4/19/22, right here.