After a relationship comes to an end, we think about and focus on the end. The myriad of reasons why things didn’t work out. Or maybe the primary reason being the other person’s addiction.
The end lumps it into a bucket and it feels like we’re throwing out the proverbial baby with the bathwater.
But there was a reason why we fell in love with this person. Why we exchanged what we did. Why we opened ourselves up to the relationship with this person in the first place.
On a recent retreat meditation, we were guided to come to a place where we felt complete happiness and joy. To really sink in to the feeling of the situation.
I was brought to my ex, even though my mind kept trying to push it away. I didn’t want to go there, but I told my mind to take a nap. I sunk into the deep love that was exchanged between us, tears running down my face.
It made me realize that in unwinding myself from living deep within his alcoholism, I’d pushed the whole relationship aside. I’d lumped everything together and in moving past the craziness, I hadn’t honored the love.
It made me think about the phrase “detachment with love” in a whole new way. That in lumping the relationship into a bucket, I was unknowingly not really opening my heart.
Sit for a moment with your eyes closed and think about the end of a relationship. Feel how it feels within your body. Certain areas may contract and tighten up, your thoughts may go down a rabbit hole. Opportunities for healing.
Now sit for another moment with your eyes closed and focus on the love exchanged with this person. How you felt before things went south. You may feel your chest open, a lightness flow through you, your mind calm and a smile may come to your face. A totally different energy.
Honoring the love doesn’t mean honoring the addiction. Honoring the love is honoring yourself, the love you’ve felt, and keeping your heart open. It’s a feeling and an energy that is always with you. Waiting, in honor.