You’re (Not) Responsible

by | Oct 27, 2020 | Blog

What does being responsible mean? Depending on your perspective, it may take you in any number of directions.

The root of the word responsible originated in the 1590’s ~ to be answerable, to another or for something. With it, comes a sense of obligation.

For many, responsibility is a tricky thing. Society has taught for centuries that it’s your responsibility to take care of your family. Something still pervasive that’s part of a wider struggle. A struggle that begins in your youth.

When you’re young, your brain waves are in a dreamlike state and you don’t know the difference between what’s real and what isn’t.

You don’t know about discernment and your being and subconscious is wide open to receive. You perceive everything as true, and to you, it is. You lose your sense of self.

As a child, I grew up with adults who were taught and raised to suppress their emotions, and I absorbed what wasn’t expressed. I took on feeling responsible for the world around me. And then unknowingly took on the responsibility to try to maintain calm and keep the peace. I did this by being quiet and by suppressing my own emotions. Because if I was quiet, then others wouldn’t get upset.

It’s a subconscious pattern that took me well into adulthood. I felt so responsible to make sure people around me were OK, that I forgot about myself. You might call this co-dependency, yet I believe it goes well beyond the logical ties that bind us. This energetic pattern of a heightened sense of responsibility flowed through personal relationships with friends, family, loved-ones, work, and nearly every aspect of my life.

So, I found it interesting when someone recently said to me that I hadn’t taken responsibility. This person, who I thought hadn’t read my first book, did. The comment was in reference to the book, but the implication to me was much greater.

It’s this person’s opinion. In many respects it speaks more to them than it does to me. And, I also looked more deeply to uncover what was there for me.

For many years I didn’t take responsibility. I didn’t know how. I played the victim and blamed many of my troubles on others. Part of this was wanting family to see and acknowledge how hurt I was. Part of this was the process of healing the deep scars related to sexual and psychological abuse.

We all want to be seen.

Moving from the space of feeling responsible for those around me, into the space of coming into my own, and disconnecting from their energy, the transition wasn’t always clean. In fact, it was very messy.

The other thing that came out of the conversation is that the person was still seeing me as they knew me. They don’t know the healing journey I’ve undergone, nor would I expect them to.

It’s not my responsibility to inform or educate them. Nor am I responsible for their opinion or reaction. This is where we break away from their energy. If they’re triggered, that’s theirs to work through.

Responsibility is where we speak from a place of love, to ourselves and others.

Recognize the interconnectedness of how you got to where you are, and your part in the journey. Make amends where appropriate. Then release the bonds to allow yourself to become centered in the core of your being.

If you have a situation with another person and aren’t open to seeing their healing journey as well, then there’s more to do. It’s part of the path and it comes in waves. First seeing yourself, then seeing the other. Once you’re clear, you can come to a place of neutrality and a space of peace.

A question to ponder ~ what’s the sense and energy of responsibility that drives you?

Responsibility is the journey of coming into your own.

Stephanie B. McAuliffe
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